By Abby Stilwell 

Feeling uncomfortable in the saddle, and in my own skin, robbed me of nearly 15 years of equestrian joy. As life got busy and priorities shifted, so did my weight. After turning 18, I found myself making many poor choices, and the result of some of those choices landed me in a place where I had quickly gained nearly 50 pounds. A few times after gaining weight I went to visit my horse, and on a couple of occasions I even got on to ride, but it wasn’t the same. My balance was off and I felt completely uncomfortable in the saddle. None of my riding clothes fit and it seemed easier to just step away from horses altogether. Although there were other things that contributed to this decision, weight was a big factor. Sitting atop my horse, a place that had felt like home since before I could walk or talk, suddenly felt foreign. 

Enjoying horses from a distance, while choosing not to ride.

As most of us know, riding involves a certain level of athleticism, self-awareness, and an overall feeling of confidence and comfort. So, when your weight or fitness levels fluctuate, there’s obviously going to be an impact on your effectiveness as a rider. This is not to say that all equestrians must fit into the same mold; I am simply pointing out that in my experience, when the body changes there is a direct impact on the rider’s ability. Whether that change occurs due to weight gain or loss, an injury, or having a baby, it changes how everything feels. Muscle memory is a powerful thing; when you’re used to accomplishing something one way and then your body changes, it can be very hard to adjust.   

For many years now, since finding my way back into this wonderful equestrian world, I have been able to keep my weight within about 10 pounds of where I feel most comfortable. I can say without a doubt that riding has helped me maintain a healthier weight and a more positive body image overall. Obviously, riding regularly also helps to maintain my fitness levels, but for me, it’s more about how comfortable and effective I feel in the saddle than anything else. It’s easy to quickly recognize, without a scale, when I have gained weight and/or lost strength. This immediate feedback is usually a good motivator for me to get back on track — for myself and for my horse. 

Inspired by my boys’ enjoyment riding horses. 

I am writing this to share my experience with others and in the hope that they will find comfort in knowing they’re not alone. If you have ever pulled on your breeches and felt so out of breath and uncomfortable that you took them off and chose not to ride, you’re not alone. If you have ever run out of steam during a lesson and had to make the embarrassing call to your coach that you need a walk break, you’re not alone. If you have ever caught yourself looking at others in their cute riding outfits, while keenly hoping that people are watching your horse and not your cellulite shake with every trotting post, you’re not alone. Our self-worth and body image seem to be woven into all aspects of our lives and equestrian sport is certainly no exception. It’s a sport that requires us to wear skin-tight white or tan pants that leave nothing to the imagination! 

I can say from experience that missing out on precious moments and memories for months or years due to feelings of discomfort related to body image is not worth it. I use my horse and my time riding as a primary motivator for my health. When I put my foot in the stirrup, I want to do so with confidence and strength, knowing that I am giving my horse every opportunity to feel happy and comfortable. Those are the feelings I want to project, and the energy I want to bring to every ride. 

Feeling strong and comfortable back in the saddle.  

So, as I do my necessary “Olympic gymnast maneuvres” just to get my breeches pulled up over my cellulite-covered butt, I do so with the knowledge that my body allows me the opportunity to do what I love, and to feel that incredible bond with my horse. I know that never again will I give up on myself and my passion. Instead, I will do what it takes to ensure I always feel comfortable in the saddle. 

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