If You Can’t Buy Them, Make Them

By Abby Stilwell 

Equestrian sport is likely one of the most expensive and all-encompassing activities you can pursue. The hunter/jumper world in particular feels like an elitist culture that can be really hard to break into, especially if you didn’t inherit a large sum of money. For me, not having a six-figure budget, and actually not even a five-figure budget at the time, I was left with no choice but to start from scratch with an equine partner. So, I found a halter-broke three-year-old gelding that was bred to jump and negotiated on his price until I could afford to bring him home. Five years later, I sold that gelding to focus more time on my other up-and-coming young horses. 

Although this path may not be for everyone, it can certainly be a fulfilling and more affordable option for some. Since returning to riding after a 15-year hiatus, I have successfully brought along two horses and now have another three-year-old coming up. I am not an expert or a professional; rather, I’m sharing what I’ve learned along the way in the hope that it may help others — making equestrian sport more viable for those of us without deep pockets, but with the skills and willingness to dedicate the time required to develop a true equestrian partner. 

RSH Open Sail on the day we bought him in 2019, and our first day under saddle in 2022.

Breeding and Disposition Matter  

An incredibly important first step is finding a horse that’s a good fit; I can’t stress this enough. For me, jumping the 1.30m classes isn’t my end goal, so although I want an athletic, nice-moving horse, their disposition and trainability matter most.  

• Set realistic goals and consider stepping-stones. If you want to ride happily around the lower levels, you don’t need a horse that can jump the moon. Even if you’re hoping to do higher levels eventually, you might need to start by bringing along a horse that can get you partway there. You will learn lots and eventually be able to sell that horse and keep moving up.  
• Do your research. Learn all you can about the horse’s dam and sire, siblings, dispositions, and performance in the show ring, and talk to trainers and coaches. In my experience there is a strong genetic component when it comes to disposition and trainability. 
• Determine the best age range to consider by looking at your timeframe and goals. If you have the gift of time, weanlings or yearlings can be an affordable option and give you lots of time to build a strong connection. If you want to return to competing sooner, you might consider an unstarted or lightly started three- or four-year-old.  

Start Slow and Focus on Foundational Training   

With my first gelding, I was so excited to have a horse again that I did one week of groundwork before pulling on my breeches and climbing on. Fortunately, this didn’t end in a catastrophe, but it very well could have. And in the years that followed, I continued to find holes in his training because I missed some important first steps. 

Now before I ever get on, I make sure my horses understand these five essential foundations: 

1. Trust — My horse should look to me when unsure and trust me to guide them through any situation. 

• On the lunge line, my horse must stay attentive and connected to me at all times. 
• When introducing new challenges, I carefully control the environment to set them up for positive experiences. 
• I set realistic goals for each session and always aim to finish with the horse experiencing success and understanding. 

Working with my two-year-old gelding on the lunge in 2021.  

2. Pressure and Release — Horses must understand that moving away from pressure results in an immediate release. This can and should be taught from a very young age. 

• If I apply pressure to their side, they step away, and the pressure is released. 
• If I apply pressure on the poll, they lower their head, and the pressure is released. 
• If I gently take one rein, they follow it by turning their head in that direction, and the pressure is released. 

Consistency is key — the timing of the release teaches the lesson. 

3. Respect for Personal Space — Good ground manners mean safe, enjoyable horses to train and own. Horses communicate through physical cues within the herd, so our body language matters. We need to “speak their language.” 

• Swing the lead rope in a small circle and step toward your horse; if they step back, you stop. 
• When leading, periodically halt. If they don’t stop with you, correct them by backing them up and try again. 
• Even young or less experienced handlers should be able to establish this boundary safely and clearly. 

Groundwork with my yearling gelding in 2020. 

4. Vocal Commands — What you teach on the ground carries into the saddle, so I use consistent verbal cues throughout training. 

• On the lunge line, I use the same cues every time — for example, “whoa” always means stop. 
• Whether it’s walk, trot, canter, clucks, or kisses, the specific cue matters less than consistency. 

5. Ability to Be Alone — While horses are herd animals, building confidence away from others makes training much easier. 

• Start with short periods alone in a paddock, gradually increasing distance from other horses while keeping the experience calm and positive. 
• Haul them both with companions and alone so they become comfortable in either situation. 
• Spend time with them in the barn individually. Grooming is a great way to create a relaxed, positive experience. 

Always aim to end these moments when the horse is calm and settled. 

Desensitizing work with my two-year-old filly in 2025.

Surround Yourself with the BEST People  

Surround yourself with people you respect and look up to in terms of horsemanship.  

• Spend your money on a high-quality coach and find as many opportunities to watch and listen as possible. I couldn’t afford multiple lessons per week, so I carefully chose coaches, took lessons, and carefully selected clinics. 
• Auditing clinics and taking notes is a great way to learn at a fraction of the cost, especially if your horse isn’t going under saddle yet.  
• Once you have your horse going under saddle, limit the number of clinics you take with different coaches. With my first horse, I signed up for every clinic under the sun, and I think in some ways it set us back because we were getting different messages from each coach. Now I am much pickier about who I ride with, especially on young horses.  
• Remember, you saved tens of thousands of dollars purchasing an untrained horse, so spending a few hundred on high quality coaches each month is worth every penny.  

First time in the saddle on my three-year-old filly, February 2026.

Reflection and Humility Will Move You Forward  

Throughout this process, you’re going to make mistakes, things will happen out of your control, and/or your horse will need something beyond your skill set.  

• Give yourself grace and remain focused on your goals.  
• When things get hard or you get stuck — ask for help. One of the best things I did with my first gelding was ask a coach if they’d give him a training ride at the horse show. Although at that moment, I felt like a bit of a failure, this ultimately gave my young horse the confidence he needed to successfully get around the 0.8m course on grass that I was struggling with.   

Finding a horse that’s a good fit and training them yourself is not for the faint of heart or for those who want a stack of red ribbons to line their tack room. It’s a commitment to learning and growing alongside an equine companion. It’s a commitment that involves pouring your time and energy into creating a partnership that will help you achieve your riding goals. For me, I have discovered that this journey fills my heart. My desire to ride in the biggest classes on the nicest horses is far overshadowed by the pride I feel in carefully developing young horses that allow me to once again be a part of this equestrian world.

More from North Country Equestrian with Abby Stilwell

Photos are courtesy of Abby Stilwell. 

Main Photo: First show and ribbon on my three-year-old gelding (Summer 2019).